Long time no see... (write)
Hello! I took a long time away from writing for a number of reasons. I was tired of sounding so negative. I couldn't think of anything nice to say, I had become disillusioned with my agency, my position and my circumstances and really didn't feel like sharing with anybody. I ended up leaving my park last May to prepare my family for our cross-country transfer. During my time off I spent a week attending a Forest Firefighting training program. I had a wonderful time and met some interesting people that I hope to run into occasionally during fire seasons out here.
The remainder of my weeks in Virginia were spent going through our possessions and getting rid of any unnecessary items, taking care of the little details that come with selling a house, supervising the packing and moving crew, and saying goodbye to my friends and family. I hadn't planned on taking off a full month before our move and had actually been pretty upset about it, but in the end it worked out for the best and made everything go a lot more smoothly.
It's amazing how much a little bit of time can do to tweak (my) perspective. When I left, I was very angry with my supervisor. I felt that I had given everything I had to my job and that he was ambivalent about my work. I felt that he was negative and unwilling to compromise on any issues. I felt that he had intentionally made himself difficult to approach and talk to, yet at the same time was asking my co-workers for information about me rather than coming to me directly. Where is all this coming from? That, in itself is a long story that I'm sure I still couldn't justify without sounding extremely one-sided and negative... So I'll have to pass on telling it for the moment. Both of us could have been a little more open with each other and a little more willing to compromise. Instead, both of us seemed to be looking at protecting ourselves and outmaneuvering the other. I fault him slightly more than myself in this situation, because he was in the position of authority; he should have made himself more accessible and open. However, I hope you noticed the word slightly. Retrospectively, I could have done a much better job as well. On one of my last days there, I was miserable and it was noticeable. One of my co-workers, Cathy, asked me what was up. I rolled my eyes and looked toward our supervisor's office. She gave a (somewhat) sympathetic smile but then told me that I had an equal part in the problem. Now Cathy is a very blunt person, and those weren't her exact words. I don't even remember her exact words, but I have thought about the meaning of them from time to time in the past months. She was right.
Another reason I hadn't written lately is because I felt that I had unfairly portrayed my park and my agency as all negative. I really hope that you (my few readers) haven't come away with that impression. The truth is that the park is a wonderful place. There is a lot to do out there. The volunteers that help with the programs have so much heart and energy! The scenery is fantastic. The recreational opportunities are incredible for such a large urban area. And my former co-workers are still my second family (even if we sometimes appear dysfunctional). Each of them is always available to listen to co-workers' problems... And often to offer advice whether wanted or not! They celebrate triumphs together (They love to celebrate!) They help each other when needed. They won't hesitate to say "I told ya so!" if it is warranted. They'll also laugh at you if you or the situation deserves it. I guess what I'm saying is that they are wonderfully human with all the blessings and faults that each of us have. (Myself included, though I don't like to admit it often.) Even my supervisor, as much as he got on my nerves, is a great person. I think one of the reasons he got on my nerves so often was that we were similar in a lot of ways. (At least that is what my co-workers said.) Maybe I was rough on him because I saw amplified in him the faults that I dislike in myself. Even though our last month working together was pretty rough, I still look upon him as a mentor and a friend. Hope that he feels the same way.
The remainder of my weeks in Virginia were spent going through our possessions and getting rid of any unnecessary items, taking care of the little details that come with selling a house, supervising the packing and moving crew, and saying goodbye to my friends and family. I hadn't planned on taking off a full month before our move and had actually been pretty upset about it, but in the end it worked out for the best and made everything go a lot more smoothly.
It's amazing how much a little bit of time can do to tweak (my) perspective. When I left, I was very angry with my supervisor. I felt that I had given everything I had to my job and that he was ambivalent about my work. I felt that he was negative and unwilling to compromise on any issues. I felt that he had intentionally made himself difficult to approach and talk to, yet at the same time was asking my co-workers for information about me rather than coming to me directly. Where is all this coming from? That, in itself is a long story that I'm sure I still couldn't justify without sounding extremely one-sided and negative... So I'll have to pass on telling it for the moment. Both of us could have been a little more open with each other and a little more willing to compromise. Instead, both of us seemed to be looking at protecting ourselves and outmaneuvering the other. I fault him slightly more than myself in this situation, because he was in the position of authority; he should have made himself more accessible and open. However, I hope you noticed the word slightly. Retrospectively, I could have done a much better job as well. On one of my last days there, I was miserable and it was noticeable. One of my co-workers, Cathy, asked me what was up. I rolled my eyes and looked toward our supervisor's office. She gave a (somewhat) sympathetic smile but then told me that I had an equal part in the problem. Now Cathy is a very blunt person, and those weren't her exact words. I don't even remember her exact words, but I have thought about the meaning of them from time to time in the past months. She was right.
Another reason I hadn't written lately is because I felt that I had unfairly portrayed my park and my agency as all negative. I really hope that you (my few readers) haven't come away with that impression. The truth is that the park is a wonderful place. There is a lot to do out there. The volunteers that help with the programs have so much heart and energy! The scenery is fantastic. The recreational opportunities are incredible for such a large urban area. And my former co-workers are still my second family (even if we sometimes appear dysfunctional). Each of them is always available to listen to co-workers' problems... And often to offer advice whether wanted or not! They celebrate triumphs together (They love to celebrate!) They help each other when needed. They won't hesitate to say "I told ya so!" if it is warranted. They'll also laugh at you if you or the situation deserves it. I guess what I'm saying is that they are wonderfully human with all the blessings and faults that each of us have. (Myself included, though I don't like to admit it often.) Even my supervisor, as much as he got on my nerves, is a great person. I think one of the reasons he got on my nerves so often was that we were similar in a lot of ways. (At least that is what my co-workers said.) Maybe I was rough on him because I saw amplified in him the faults that I dislike in myself. Even though our last month working together was pretty rough, I still look upon him as a mentor and a friend. Hope that he feels the same way.
posted by VA girl at 8:09 AM
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